Make
of the hymn for today what you will, Bible Study put a whole
different perspective on it for me—a
perspective that does naught but bring me pain, thinking upon how
grievously wronged I have been—and
repeatedly so—by those who refused to see their own sin and would
turn and falsely accuse me—and the leadership of that congregation
would unswervingly believe my slanderers instead of truly seeking out
the facts of each case.
This
curse has never truly completely gone away and left me, leaving me in
peace, but always waits its opportunity to accost my soul yet again.
How
does one forgive those who refuse to be forgiven, who reject
confrontation, turning, instead, to mock and accuse.
How
do you do it?
I
don’t know.
I
only know my soul hurts and my heart hurts and my spirit grieves
within me, that those I loved so deeply should pour wickedness on me.
And that brings me once again to John 1:11, where, when the Lord, who
showed it to me, asked me, “How
do you think I felt?”
No,
Ellie, I am not talking about you. You are a dear, sweet friend,
whose forgiveness I crave, yet who has pushed me out of your life
instead. I have not denied what I did, but confessed it, and begged
your forgiveness. Oh! How I long for that day!
No.
I am not writing about you, my dear, dear friend.
I
write
about a congregation that holds itself up haughtily and puffily, as
though sin in it is some kind of impossibility.
When
even my accusers be,
themselves,
brought before
your
judgment seat
you
make no bow toward me.
Though
the Psalms translated be
within
your hallowed
halls
and
written in the ESV,
by
bowing not toward me,
you
claim no sin could be.
If
Jack investigated back,
what
truth, then, would he see?
And,
more importantly, you see,
would
you then bow toward me?
The
accusations you let fly,
attempting
to cure me,
would
better have crept back to night
and
listened, thou, to me!
Oh!
How my soul grieves within me! Oh! How the pain yet again accosts my
soul within me! They present themselves to be pure and Godly, but
they are putrefying, wretched, and lost in the depths of their
depravity and sin.
What
is it God says to those who refuse to repent? Is it not that they are
refusing to be forgiven?
Oh,
you haughtily puffed up, foul and stinking wretch, forgiveness calls
to thee.
But
when you refuse to bow, judgment calls on thee!
Amen!
Father,
You
have seen their hands
and
how soiled with sin they be!
You
have seen me cry to them
that
forgiveness they should seek!
But,
though they hear my heart-sick cries,
they
turn away from me!
I
ask You, Lord, to deepen night,
that
Satan be set free
to
creep within those hallowed halls
until
they turn and see
the
wretchedness of their estate
and
seek for Thy mercy!
My
arms, to them, are open wide
should
they come bow to me.
Amen!
