Make of the hymn for today what you will, Bible Study put a whole different perspective on it for me—a perspective that does naught but bring me pain, thinking upon how grievously wronged I have been—and repeatedly so—by those who refused to see their own sin and would turn and falsely accuse me—and the leadership of that congregation would unswervingly believe my slanderers instead of truly seeking out the facts of each case.
This curse has never truly completely gone away and left me, leaving me in peace, but always waits its opportunity to accost my soul yet again.
How does one forgive those who refuse to be forgiven, who reject confrontation, turning, instead, to mock and accuse.
How do you do it?
I don’t know.
I only know my soul hurts and my heart hurts and my spirit grieves within me, that those I loved so deeply should pour wickedness on me. And that brings me once again to John 1:11, where, when the Lord, who showed it to me, asked me, “How do you think I felt?”
No, Ellie, I am not talking about you. You are a dear, sweet friend, whose forgiveness I crave, yet who has pushed me out of your life instead. I have not denied what I did, but confessed it, and begged your forgiveness. Oh! How I long for that day!
No. I am not writing about you, my dear, dear friend.
I write about a congregation that holds itself up haughtily and puffily, as though sin in it is some kind of impossibility.
When even my accusers be,
themselves, brought before
your judgment seat
you make no bow toward me.
Though the Psalms translated be
within your hallowed halls
and written in the ESV,
by bowing not toward me,
you claim no sin could be.
If Jack investigated back,
what truth, then, would he see?
And, more importantly, you see,
would you then bow toward me?
The accusations you let fly,
attempting to cure me,
would better have crept back to night
and listened, thou, to me!
Oh! How my soul grieves within me! Oh! How the pain yet again accosts my soul within me! They present themselves to be pure and Godly, but they are putrefying, wretched, and lost in the depths of their depravity and sin.
What is it God says to those who refuse to repent? Is it not that they are refusing to be forgiven?
Oh, you haughtily puffed up, foul and stinking wretch, forgiveness calls to thee.
But when you refuse to bow, judgment calls on thee!
You have seen their hands
and how soiled with sin they be!
You have seen me cry to them
that forgiveness they should seek!
But, though they hear my heart-sick cries,
they turn away from me!
I ask You, Lord, to deepen night,
that Satan be set free
to creep within those hallowed halls
until they turn and see
the wretchedness of their estate
and seek for Thy mercy!
My arms, to them, are open wide
should they come bow to me.