This morning has been a dark one, battling anger, battling depression, battling frustration; imagining conversations that would draw my wrath; hardly able to hear the voice of my Savior; wanting nothing so much as to crawl under a rock and hide for the rest of my life. My heart cries out, but I hear nothing, so I turn to Amnos tou Theou, and cry out to Him.
As
I think back over my Christian walk, it has had elements of Jeremiah,
Jonah, and Joseph; of Joseph, Jonah, and Jeremiah. Of Jonah because I
do not want to be where He keeps putting me; of Jeremiah Lamentations
because no one ever believes what He has for me to say, but they just
pat me on the head and shove me in some corner pretending that it
doesn’t matter, but the consequences come; of Joseph because for
much of my walk I have lived Genesis 39—and
no one, no perpetrator, ever confesses and repents of the wickedness
they have done to me, but just go on living their lives as though
they have never done anything wrong and I am the one who stays in
prison—imprisoned
within the empty cistern of their preconceived notions of what
pleases God and what God desires.
Truly,
has it ever pierced their hearts that a 19 year old who has never
done anything to me has turned to me in the very repentance that they
so steadfastly reject, yet claim Christ—they
who so joyously would criticize and attack my walk? I must confess
that should they ever return they just might find themselves in the
very same position that the brothers of Joseph found themselves, and
with the same most excellent reasoning: You cannot know forgiveness
except you first show repentance. If they would know genuine
Christian faith let them sit at the feet of that 19 year old.
So,
where is hope? Jonah was not destroyed, but was used; Jeremiah found
mercy in the midst of devastation; and Joseph came to rule over his
oppressors. He also sired children, winding up with a double portion
in Israel.
Therefore
I wait in hope beyond my reach.
I
recall commenting about the insanity that has struck my life ever
since I decided to start my company. The listener then looked me in
the eye and said, “Then you’re just going to have to push through
it,” which reminds me of the last stanza of my poem, Dark Days:
You
cannot have a breakthrough
Without
going through a wall,
And
walls are made to stand and not to fall.
So,
it never shall be easy
When
going through a wall,
But
with God-given purpose,
Although
you may seem stalled,
If
Jesus has ordained it,
You’re
going through that wall!
Amen,
Lord Jesus!
Bring
me through!
Amen!
