In today’s Bible Study, the first song I was there to participate in (after having retrieved the song books from where the women horde them in the worship studio, for their study, without ever returning them for ours), was Farther Along: “Farther along we’ll know all about it, Farther along we’ll understand why…”.
We talked about wanting things now instead of patiently awaiting God’s timing for that something to come our way. Pushing for that something before its time can delay its time, and if you never stop, it might never come.
Oh, Beloved, please understand that.
And yet, just now, the words of the chorus of the first song I ever wrote come to mind: “Keep on pushin’ cause you’re getting through! Keep on pushin’ because I need you!” It was the words—the heart-wrenching words—of a lonely, lonely heart. I lost it many years ago, and I doubt I’ll ever find that song again.
In some ways I am still that lonely, lonely man—who never can seem to connect with that one who has his heart—and no matter how patient I try to be my heart pushes, and pushes, and I have never been able to stop it pushing—and what it wants never comes, never knocks upon the door of my heart, saying, “I’m here! Let me in! I’ve finally come!”
Even those who claim to love me
Only ever turn and flee
And never turn the key,
Opening their heart to me.
Even just writing this I run the risk of the well-meddlers trying to push their own ideas on me of what I should—in their blinded eyes—want, rather than staying out of the way to simply pray. Man’s efforts do not interest me—only God’s.
You should never, ever—even seek to—instruct someone else on what the desire of their heart really is.
And truly, does anyone ever just shut their mouths and simply ask God—and truly listen to Him—in prayer, about me? If they have, how is it that I have never experienced the fruits of those queries? Why is it that everyone always seems to think they know better than me what I want or need? Were they to do so, and actually just humbly act upon what God really tells them, then what they would bring would absolutely fit me to a “T”.
But no such blessing ever comes.
Why is that?
One way that I do lack, as I implied above, is in the patience to just sit back and watch, trusting God to fit my needs to me. My hopes, wishes and dreams only ever seem to keep their door bolted, barred, locked, and nailed shut in my face, rather than opening to me.
And no one ever listens.
And no one ever hears.
And no one even cares.
That is the assessment that I see.
There are things that God has promised me—there are people that God has promised me—and I must still learn the patience to accept that, until Heaven, they might never come to me.
Will they even be there with me? See, I have even come—in spite of their protestations to the contrary—to doubt that they will even be there to see me.
Right now—at this moment—it is my heart’s cry for them to hear the Lord, and—finally—to obey.
William F. Maddock
Groundhog’s Day, 2016